It's been a while since I've written on this site.
I come to this place to find peace and reflection. It allows me to vent all my emotions and frustrations.
It's been pretty busy on my end of the screen and the words 'no pain no gain' are a constant ringing bell in my mind. Today, I am running away from my thesis duties and other responsibilities.. but only for a week. I'll be back at the end of April from my vacation in Varadero, Cuba.
OH HAPPY DAY!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Uninspired
She sits by the foot of her bed and steals this moment for herself
She thinks about the things she often chooses to ignore and has felt impartial to
Is this an addiction? Is it even a feeling or is it a need?
What has it turned into? and what is it that we need to do now?
Lost and uninspired.. Maybe.. too many questions left unanswered and left unexplained
This puzzle which is her current state is troubling, is losing her... she just needs time
She thinks about the things she often chooses to ignore and has felt impartial to
Is this an addiction? Is it even a feeling or is it a need?
What has it turned into? and what is it that we need to do now?
Lost and uninspired.. Maybe.. too many questions left unanswered and left unexplained
This puzzle which is her current state is troubling, is losing her... she just needs time
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
When do you truly know?
You never truly know something until you've experienced it; you never truly feel the depth of an emotion unless it has affected you directly. You can imagine and you can try to understand what it is like but that doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter because it won't come close to that raw feeling, that real experience, that shock and that anxiety of having to wait for time to heal the pain and bring things back to the way they were before.
Every so often I discover a truth, something that I know and have read about but never stopped to look at in perspective. I try to imagine such circumstances. I try to picture my life, as comfortable as it is now, come to a halt because of some occurrence that is larger than I am. Something governed by a greater power, whether it be a natural disaster or a political regime such as communism, fascism. Toronto had a small glimpse of chaos this summer during the G20 protests but that was like a small rain storm compared to frevelent storms occurring in different parts of the world on a daily basis. How ignorant are we to these things? How ignorant are we to the past, our personal histories and the lives of our ancestors who "fought for our freedom". We here that so often.. freedom. But is it?
Stories of my great grandparents re-surface here and then but it is my curious nature to dig deeper and find the truth. The textbooks don't always reflect the stories of all the people.. and our grandfolks are the ones with the real encounters. So history.. it is not just a boring subject. It is a reflection of who we are.. and only when it directly affects or defines us is when we start to appreciate its worth.
I guess my main point in terms of history is that although we can't live our lives rethinking or living by the past, we can not ignore it nor forget about it completely either.
It doesn't matter because it won't come close to that raw feeling, that real experience, that shock and that anxiety of having to wait for time to heal the pain and bring things back to the way they were before.
Every so often I discover a truth, something that I know and have read about but never stopped to look at in perspective. I try to imagine such circumstances. I try to picture my life, as comfortable as it is now, come to a halt because of some occurrence that is larger than I am. Something governed by a greater power, whether it be a natural disaster or a political regime such as communism, fascism. Toronto had a small glimpse of chaos this summer during the G20 protests but that was like a small rain storm compared to frevelent storms occurring in different parts of the world on a daily basis. How ignorant are we to these things? How ignorant are we to the past, our personal histories and the lives of our ancestors who "fought for our freedom". We here that so often.. freedom. But is it?
Stories of my great grandparents re-surface here and then but it is my curious nature to dig deeper and find the truth. The textbooks don't always reflect the stories of all the people.. and our grandfolks are the ones with the real encounters. So history.. it is not just a boring subject. It is a reflection of who we are.. and only when it directly affects or defines us is when we start to appreciate its worth.
I guess my main point in terms of history is that although we can't live our lives rethinking or living by the past, we can not ignore it nor forget about it completely either.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Reflect to Collect
Like a pellet in the wind, she got swarmed up by this new way of life
Many a thing has changed, many a people have intertwined with her existence
Many thoughts stirred in her mind and many emotions stirred through her thoughts
New ideas have sparked a new potential within her and a feeling of rebirth entailed
Though more complex her world grows, she remains tied to the ground
Feelings of nostalgia have started to build within, for peace
She wishes to close her eyes and let her fingers replace her mind with the keyboard of a piano
But that time has not yet come in her life
She is not ready
She knows the path to feel a greater peace lies first in overcoming the chaos that surrounds her
Within a moment of looking at the instrument her heart breaks, her smile weakens and she is saddened
However, she waits, hides the feeling within her soul and occupies her mind to forget that such a thing ever existed
Many a thing has changed, many a people have intertwined with her existence
Many thoughts stirred in her mind and many emotions stirred through her thoughts
New ideas have sparked a new potential within her and a feeling of rebirth entailed
Though more complex her world grows, she remains tied to the ground
Feelings of nostalgia have started to build within, for peace
She wishes to close her eyes and let her fingers replace her mind with the keyboard of a piano
But that time has not yet come in her life
She is not ready
She knows the path to feel a greater peace lies first in overcoming the chaos that surrounds her
Within a moment of looking at the instrument her heart breaks, her smile weakens and she is saddened
However, she waits, hides the feeling within her soul and occupies her mind to forget that such a thing ever existed
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
...
In the long run the pessimist my be proven right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.
-Daniel Reardon
-Daniel Reardon
Monday, July 26, 2010
Classic
He says: You're no picnic, all right? You're a spoiled little brat, even, but under that, you're the most amazingly, astounding, wonderful girl, woman, that I've ever known...
She says: Hey, I...
He says: No, let me try and get this out. You're ama- I'm not an idiot, I know how the world works. I've got ten bucks in my pocket, I have no-nothing to offer you and I know that. I understand. But I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump remember? I can't turn away without knowing you'll be all right... That's all I want.
She says: Well, I'm fine... I'll be fine... really.
He says: Really? I don't think so. They've got you trapped. And you're gonna die if you don't break free. Maybe not right away because you're strong but... sooner or later that fire that I love about you... that fire's gonna burn out...
She says: It's not up to you to save me, you know.
He says: You're right... only you can do that.
She says: Hey, I...
He says: No, let me try and get this out. You're ama- I'm not an idiot, I know how the world works. I've got ten bucks in my pocket, I have no-nothing to offer you and I know that. I understand. But I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump remember? I can't turn away without knowing you'll be all right... That's all I want.
She says: Well, I'm fine... I'll be fine... really.
He says: Really? I don't think so. They've got you trapped. And you're gonna die if you don't break free. Maybe not right away because you're strong but... sooner or later that fire that I love about you... that fire's gonna burn out...
She says: It's not up to you to save me, you know.
He says: You're right... only you can do that.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
All too familiar
She sits in her car.
She purposefully parked behind the trees in a spot all too familiar to her.
She used to come here endlessly, almost every week when she worked just across the street.. but today, she's at a crossroad.
She observes ppl walking to and from the buildings, as she sits there quietly reflecting on current situations in her life.
She watches elderly couples, all familiar faces, pass her by.
Not much has changed since she's been away.
The same old man walks his dog. Much as he has every morning, he sits at the same spot, a ledge, infront of the old church.
Long behold the church!
She stares at its gothic exterior and colourful windows. Should she go in and listen to words and voices that she's all too familiar with? Will this really help her cope with her thoughts?
Guilt spreads across her and her troubles begin to aimlessly spin in her head.
Who is this person?
She gets out of the car. As much as she'd like to drive away, she's been sitting in there for far too long. Crossing the street, she joins the old man and his dog, all three of them listening to faint prayers being sung inside while observing the world passing by.
Strangers.
Sometime in the future, they won't be sitting there anymore.
Sometime in the future, the elderly couples she saw earlier will change and the familiar faces she recognizes now will disappear.
The buildings will stay, though, attached to them memories that will grow old and might fade away.
But maybe they will come back, very faint, as she drives by twenty years from now.
And maybe in that time there will be someone else sitting infront of that same church, observing these same old buildings, having the same thoughts filling them, that fill her head today.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
She purposefully parked behind the trees in a spot all too familiar to her.
She used to come here endlessly, almost every week when she worked just across the street.. but today, she's at a crossroad.
She observes ppl walking to and from the buildings, as she sits there quietly reflecting on current situations in her life.
She watches elderly couples, all familiar faces, pass her by.
Not much has changed since she's been away.
The same old man walks his dog. Much as he has every morning, he sits at the same spot, a ledge, infront of the old church.
Long behold the church!
She stares at its gothic exterior and colourful windows. Should she go in and listen to words and voices that she's all too familiar with? Will this really help her cope with her thoughts?
Guilt spreads across her and her troubles begin to aimlessly spin in her head.
Who is this person?
She gets out of the car. As much as she'd like to drive away, she's been sitting in there for far too long. Crossing the street, she joins the old man and his dog, all three of them listening to faint prayers being sung inside while observing the world passing by.
Strangers.
Sometime in the future, they won't be sitting there anymore.
Sometime in the future, the elderly couples she saw earlier will change and the familiar faces she recognizes now will disappear.
The buildings will stay, though, attached to them memories that will grow old and might fade away.
But maybe they will come back, very faint, as she drives by twenty years from now.
And maybe in that time there will be someone else sitting infront of that same church, observing these same old buildings, having the same thoughts filling them, that fill her head today.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Friday, July 9, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Did I ever really know?
A breeze, carries with it the strength and serenity of my memories,
releasing any presence of despair.
How long before this feeling fades?
How long before reality hits again?
Prolonging these moments,
the power is hard to possess.
Time will absorb what it wants
and won't give back what you're longing for.
Give me a chance to relive again.
Give me some peace with my own.
Go back, flash back, to that place
but this time...
I will open my eyes to the knowledge,
to the past of whats certainly there.
To the feeling of being emotionless-
I don't seem to mind, and you don't seem to care.
So meet me somewhere in the middle,
So meet me somewhere in the middle,
in the darkness where time won't catch up.
To the security of being lost in a distant place,
where morality and logic are mixed up.
This once, time won't be wasted
and I will never think to look back.
As what is thought will be said and done
and what is missed, time will lose track.
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